Cheap bird!

ORIGINAL AD:
Hey everyone! I've just recently started searching for a pet bird, I'm willing to take most kinds! I just need noise in my home, parrots are preffered. Thanks!
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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject:Cheap Bird!

Hi! I have a bird that I'll let you take off my hands for a rehoming fee of $25. Their actual worth is quite considerable, but this one more or less landed in my arms, and I know nothing of birds! It's red, and it makes a lot of noise.
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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

Awesome! Would you take $20? Have you looked it up? It could be a macaw! I love those birds! They require a lot of work, and you are right, they are very expensive. I have done lots of research and I am ready to take one on though!
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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

Yes! I just looked it up and it does look pretty similar to that. It's a little smaller and its beak is kind of pointy though.
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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

Hm. That sounds like a canary kind of. Which of these does it look like?



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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

It looks like those two had a baby and this is the baby!
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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

hmm.. I'm not sure what bird you have. Do you have a picture?

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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

I took a picture of him in a tree from last week, and I drew a picture of what he would look like if he was wild and brown.




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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

I can't tell if you're being serious.. In the first picture, I can see absolutely nothing, and in the 2nd... that's just ridiculous.
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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

Sorry I will take a better picture once I can catch him.
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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

haha okay..


[2 days later]


To:Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

Hey, I was just wondering if you have managed to get a picture of the bird yet...?
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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

Hey! I'll get one soon, I finally caught him, he's been in my garage this whole time!
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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

It's been in the high 90's this week, that's probably not a good idea.. When can I stop by?
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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

Got a pic!


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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

Are you fucking kidding me? That's a wild robin, I don't want that. I wanted a pet, moron.
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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

Sorry, I'll let him go for $10 since you didn't want him. It's a steal.
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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

I said I don't want that bird.
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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

Thanks a lot jerk, he kept flying around the cage and now look. I fed him a whole bunch of ants and he wouldnt eat them because he probably just wanted to be loved.


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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

I'm reporting you!
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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

It's too late, I already reported you! This is your fault! You owe me $10!!
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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird

Quit emailing me.
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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!


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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:Cheap Bird!

Fuck off. It's a fucking robin.

HEY BABY

ORIGINAL AD:
Strictly Platonic
Is there anything to do in this town this hotel room is boring and i have to look at it all week. I wnt a girl to hang out with 4 while I'm here in Boise
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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject:HEY HONEY

HEY BABY

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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:HEY HONEY

pic4pic?

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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject:HEY HONEY

SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH AND GO FIND SOMEONE LIKE A REAL MAN, WHAT ARE YOU? SUCK ON THESE, GAY BOY!

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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:HEY HONEY

Wat the fuck are u talking about, i'm finding a girl right now queer thats why I posted on ########## bitch

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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject:HEY HONEY

LIKE OMG, YOU MUST NOT EVEN TALK TO GIRLS, HAVE YOU EVER EVEN SEEN A BOOB? YOU MUST HAVE A GOOD TIME IN THE MENS LOCKER ROOM, HUH? YOU STUPID BUTT.

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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:HEY HONEY

Man ive seen more tits then you could handle. are u like 12 or something? u just called me a butt and thot it was gonna hurt my feelings.

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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject:HEY HONEY

Whatevs man, I can play Call of Duty all day and still pick up women by the truckloads. You, on the other hand- You're just a buttloving boy kisser. Do you ask to feel muscles when you're at the gym? you stupid penisvagina, you're just a big dumb and I hate you.

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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:HEY HONEY

Wow dude you come up wwith stupid names. u are probably the gay kid here

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From: Jordan Ibarra
Subject:HEY HONEY

Dude I be rollin' on solid gold rims, and I've got teeth of platinum. You're just a big stupid dumb idiot and you like butts so whatever you say is just stupid since you haven't ever even talked to a girl in your life.

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To: Jordan Ibarra
Subject: RE:HEY HONEY

How old r u kid. Im in boise so step up

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From: Claudia Ibarra
Subject: Read asap

**SENT FROM A DIFFERENT EMAIL ADDRESS**
Hey sir, I'm sorry about the boy emailing you, he is my son. I had no idea he was talking to you, and I went through his email and saw that he's been doing it to a lot of people. I've disconnected his computer. It's in my garage, and his mouse and keyboard are hidden in my room.
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To: Claudia Ibarra
Subject: RE:HEY HONEY

k i was wondering if he was a kid. my dad would have kicked my ass if i did that shit so make sure he stops.

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From: Claudia Ibarra
Subject:HEY HONEY

It would happen if his father was around still, I'm a single mother. I work at a bar to keep our bills paid.

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To: Claudia Ibarra
Subject: RE:HEY HONEY

o sorry to hear it wat bar? i dont know what else to do in boise.

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From: Claudia Ibarra
Subject:HEY HONEY

Are you asking to meet up? That's such a boykisser move of you.

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To: Claudia Ibarra
Subject: RE:HEY HONEY

well maybe we could have a few drinks or blow some rings. Y do you both call dumb names like that?

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From: Claudia Ibarra
Subject:HEY HONEY


Honey, we call names because that's the way we feel. Seriously sir, I am willing to lay down a $100 bill in order to bet that you ask men if you can feel their muscles, and you probably enjoy looking at butts and penises while you're in locker rooms.

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To: Claudia Ibarra
Subject: RE:HEY HONEY

fuck u too, both of you

30 reasons why you shouldn't work at a movie theater

1. It sucks. Hard.

2. You can't have long hair if you're a male, or appear to be male.

3. You've got to wear uniform.

4. Men aren't allowed to grow out their facial hair, while your 50-year old female manager is likely sporting a full mustache.

5. Every male co-worker will smell like armpits and talk about Pokemon during break.

6. Every female co-worker will be pregnant, but continue attempting to seduce you anyways.

7. It sucks.

8. They won't let you bring your pets to work.

9. If a customer has a glass eye, you get yelled at for staring.

10. They make you clean the top of arcade games, and it gets your sleeves all dusty when you try reaching up there.

11. You never get to sit down, and your feet WILL hurt.

12. You've got to always seem happy, even if you're depressed that your female manager has more chest hair than you.

13. It sucks.

14. Your lunch break is 15 minutes.

15. It pays you minimum wage.

16. You're likely to only get 10 hours of work in a week, all on one day.
17. Your shoes WILL become scuffed.

18. The nametags they make you wear never stay straight.


19. It's a lot like North Korea behind the scenes.

20. Everyone's breath smells terrible.

21. The initial job interview takes a really long time.

22. It sucks.

23. If your phone goes off, you get written up.

24. The floors behind the counter are really slippery from spilled popcorn.

25. Cleaning bathrooms.

26. There is no bonding with co-workers, since most shifts are staggered and you'll
never see them twice.

27. Parking sucks, unless your shift starts in the early morning, but that sucks
too.

28. It sucks.

29. You're not allowed to make conversation.

30. Even the boys have to clean.